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Post by Marx on Nov 5, 2003 18:20:22 GMT -5
Lol Very true.
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Post by The Chris on Nov 6, 2003 13:22:38 GMT -5
-2 nuns are walking down the street when a young man streekes. The first nun has a stroke, the second nun wasn't fast enough.
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Post by Entropy Aegis on Nov 16, 2003 13:05:13 GMT -5
Once: upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding.
Their life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.
There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.
Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple; and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident.
Question: Who was the survivor? (Scroll down for the answer. Trust me, it's worth it)
Answer: The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.
**** Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke. Men keep scrolling.
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.
Men Keep scrolling
By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this illustrates another point: Women never listen.
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Post by The Chris on Nov 16, 2003 17:02:20 GMT -5
*ROTFLAPMFAO*
~That is so true. Were did ya get that from? And who locked this thread?
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Post by Marx on Nov 16, 2003 20:05:16 GMT -5
*suffocating because I'm laughing so hard*
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Post by Entropy Aegis on Nov 18, 2003 11:44:09 GMT -5
Finally, the guys side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!
*Please note ... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want us to answer, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this: Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping.
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Post by The Chris on Nov 18, 2003 12:24:17 GMT -5
~Seriously man, stop it, YOUR KILLING ME!!!! ROTF,LAPMFAO!!!
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Post by Marx on Nov 18, 2003 13:19:39 GMT -5
LMAO! I don't even think we need to go on with the rest of the contest this month, unless someone has some reeeeeeally good jokes.
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Post by Fabiano on Nov 18, 2003 13:50:35 GMT -5
Dude, that was AWESOME! Seriously, Marx is right! No one can top that!
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Post by The Chris on Nov 18, 2003 16:57:17 GMT -5
~Women go on about how us men don't listen, respect, or understand them, and while there whinning on about all of that, there not listening, respecting or understanding us. They can be self cented and selfish sometimes, but then again............ sorry, got distarcted by thinking about girls a-...... anckles.
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Post by Jakazul on Nov 19, 2003 11:27:04 GMT -5
*Laughing so hard he can ahrldy ypet (Hardly type)* Yeah Matt, those were great... And totally true. Need to mail out the second one to all my exs.... But on second thought, I've never really liked camping.
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Post by Entropy Aegis on Nov 20, 2003 11:42:35 GMT -5
Words Women Use... FINE ~ This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.
FIVE MINUTES ~ This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade.
NOTHING ~ If you ask her what is wrong and she says NOTHING, this means something and you should be on your toes. NOTHING is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last FIVE MINUTES and end with the word FINE.
GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows) ~ This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over NOTHING and will end with the word FINE.
GO AHEAD (normal eyebrows) ~ This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raised eyebrow "Go ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by NOTHING and FINE and she will talk to you in about FIVE MINUTES when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH ~ This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over NOTHING.
SOFT SIGH ~ Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content.
THAT'S OKAY ~ This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go ahead." At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO ~ This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay."
THANKS ~ A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say "you're welcome."
THANKS A LOT ~ This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing."
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Post by Marx on Nov 20, 2003 17:22:22 GMT -5
I read that to a girl, and she agreed with it all. lol
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Post by Shinobi on Nov 29, 2003 14:05:00 GMT -5
lol well i have a kinda joke although it pales to those up there but here goes
we all remember the 'i love you' virus we got on our e-mails well few people knew of the virus's that came after the 'i like you as a freind' virus and the most damaging of all the 'we need to talk' virus.
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Post by Jakazul on Nov 29, 2003 14:19:59 GMT -5
No. Most damaging is "Go shove a cactus up your butt" which is what one of my best friends got told once trying to get a date.
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